Igunas

24 januari 2017 18:02

Also, would you explain to me what your last post is about ? What is the meaning behind it ? Care to give a few details ? ;)

Ronja Forsman

24 januari 2017 18:19

Well, my last post heheh yeah. The thought struck me this night so I thought. why not post these stupid little thoughts of mine. Maybe someone would find it amusing. And I dont know what sort of details i should be given about it.
just the mere thought feels funny to me, that we feel so incredibly bad about things, killing ourselves because we feel bad for it. whilst any other animal kills eats hurt anything or whatever and theres that. nothing more to it. And Im sure we are the only animal 'regretting'. feeling truly bad about things in this way. And well. All these sort of things feels interesting to me. So there isnt really an meaning behind it. just some taboo thinking around here. Or i bet that people would look wierdly at me like with most of my thoughts.
I could just ask mom these stupid questions that popped up in my head. I asked an friend once,

''hey, what would you do if you came home and found me dead?'' and he just said ''I would call the ambulance obviously, what sort of question is that even?? why would you even ask this?''

I guess the true answer i wanted was his reaction would he feel relieved or devestated. and yeah I think I just got curious and wanted to fill my head up with the scene. maybe.
Mom always said i was special x)

however it feels like theyre dragging me down. I dont know why exactly. its just. its like im apologizing to do other stuff. or if i cant give them attention but want to give it to someone else they seem real upset and I feel bad over it. Feels bad before even telling them and afterwards too. Since I already know their reaction, and since theyre confirming that I where right all that time.

Igunas

19 januari 2017 17:23

It's been a while, how have you been since last time ? Is everything ok ?

Ronja Forsman

24 januari 2017 02:58

I'm sorry I didn't log in for awhile. There sure have been up and downs and I don't know what to feel about things. As for now my all long time friends. It somehow feels like they're dragging me down. Am I wrong to think so? They didn't do anything but to care. Or that's their statement however. I'm trying to work hard now to work things out. Trying my best with school being responsible over things, tonight I even went out running. Maybe it's just another useless try to convince myself that things aren't as bad as they seem. I also watched black mass. Read a little on Wikipedia afterwards about whitey, also trying to watch some documentaries. This guy really fetched my interest and according to one of the guys who had been working with James bulrey he was doing such an good job, that he was close hitting him because Johnny where reminding so much about James.

Igunas

13 januari 2017 17:10

He has a great heart. It is truly difficult to stand by someone with emotional and mental difficulties. But he means more than that to you. I see stronger feelings. And I can see he has feelings too, and this is what scares you.
Can you tell me more about this ?
Also, you mentioned he lives in France. Did you meet each other ? If yes, how was it between you two ?

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 17:21

Well I did meet him, not long ago, and things went lovley. then I went back home earlier because my depression took over and it felt bad to be over there. they where so nice and everything. But I just got an bad overall feeling so I thought it was better to go away to not ruin the end of the vacation there. It was amazing mostly. But I was sure insecure and he and Elysia dont take easy on this. which makes me even more insecure and doubtfull. if he loved me so much wouldnt he do anything to make things feel good? this is however what he claimed. but he has shown differently when I wanted to go back home. I get him but I was still disappointed.

Igunas

13 januari 2017 16:51

It seems you confuse psychotic and psychopath.
Let's take an example.
A psychotic thief enters a bakery and get in the queue. He wants to steal a cake. He will start feeling stress, he knows it's forbidden. All of a sudden, he would start pushing people in front of him to make way, be clumsy and jump behind the shelf and grab the cake. He would then run out with it. He feels insecure, he knows he committed a crime and will be scared to be caught.
Some of them don't even realize they were doing it and only felt fear.

A psychopath, however, will stop in front of the bakery's door several times, to learn the service times, and observe. He would come again another day, observing from outside again, looking for escapes, maybe even taking notes.
Then he will finally enter another day. Patently waiting for his turn, noticing the object he wants, buy a drink and go back home.
He will start coming more and more often for regular purchases. And one day, he will act.
Entering, discretely closing distance with the target, and steal it without being noticed.

The min difference is that a psychopath KNOWS what he is doing, and that it's wrong.
I've dealt with this case of pathology, but I can't talk about it unless there is actual authorization from concerned police department.

As for your case, I noticed you may experience nightmares ? They aren't a cause of anything, just a result of a trauma, so they don't need to be worked on, it would be solved when their cause will be. Panic attacks ? I guess you issued this too.
Your friend Nelson has a role in your situation.

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 17:03

Oh, yes sorry that was a mistake of mine what im talking about is a psychopath. and of course I do realise that this isnt to be talked about out in public though I like to talk about it so Im glad to know the little ive heard of what you know.

And yes I've had a lot of nightmares since at least I was 7, mom told me since I don't remember much. And I do have some sort of panic attacks, It kindof just aches in my heart, back or chest. latley it got worse, so if breathing calmly don't help then I have to lie down for awhile because otherwise it will just get worse and I wont be able to do anything about it. but mostly I just need to breathe calmly and take deep breaths and it should be fine.

As for Nelson, he always supported me with my hard times and listened if I wanted to talk to him, or just tried to make me smile.

Igunas

13 januari 2017 16:20

There are a few things I don't have the right to mention, but overall, it's quite unique. A psychotic person doesn't know what they are doing, you can think about sort of a trouble of the personality, to make it quite simple. They know they did it. But some of them don't understand it was actually them. It's very difficult to get information from them. So you look for a sensitive weakness. When you exploit it, they cooperate.

Would you do further tests ? I've treated a fair number of similar cases of people with the same issues than you. They were around 20, I can tell you are too. If I made it close to the reality in the first try, it might be fairly easy, and by "easy" I mean way easier than a murderer ;) You have an interesting situation, the kind I often dealt with. So I felt like proposing my help to you in the end. Are you interested ?

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 16:30

Oh well. I am for the first time actually. I don't know you seem to know your stuff and it sounds interesting somehow ^^ and you're right yet again haha I'm 21:) so if you want to I wouldn't really mind.

And for the fact about the murderer, I found it quite interesting in a way. I always found interest in calm psychotic characters or people that would be set as 'mad' because I don't know. I just thought that their way of thinking seemed interesting. Although I've never really touched with an real psychotics mind. All I could say is that they really do interest me.

Igunas

13 januari 2017 16:03

He seems to be someone quite unique. But more important, he has a proven to be important to you.

Psychiatry isn't the same with adults and younglings. I heard that countries like Sweden tend to rather teach this branch of medicine according to adult-related troubles standards.
What you told me about the northern part of country just confirms it.
It's alright, I have been treating with children and kids from age 3 to 18, even with a couple psychotic murderers and war veterans, so I pretty much know how it works by now ;)
Quick test without serious study: You mentioned adhd, and given some of your posts, you had a traumatizing experience obviously with your father. You don't see him anymore. Your family hasn't been supportive, and you didn't live really close to them, but you started seeing your mother again a few months ago.
You also have trouble with love relationships because previous experiences ended up bad.
Besides, one person has a special place in your heart that you are trying to deny because you are afraid of it.

True ?

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 16:10

Hehe well this is really close to it yeah that's really good!^^ well maybe you might be one of those good ones that I heard about when I where 17. Though if I may ask, truly, how is it talking to an psychotic murderer? Sorry if it's an inappropriate question but I somehow always loved movies and books and the stories so I got curious how it actually is talking to such a person. Again, sorry if it's unappropriate.

Igunas

13 januari 2017 15:36

I knew this Nelson was a great person !
How close are you to him ?

As of my job, I've been teaching psychiatry and doing consultations for a rough ten years now (I'm 38).
Asking questions is what I do, I like understanding people, and offer help when they allow someone to.

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 15:42

Hehe he really are! Well. I'm one of the closest to him. We could almost end each otherside sentences pretty much. When he's down I jnow exactly what to say to cheer him up again. What he would enjoy and what not. So I'm very very close to him.

Oh okay I see haha myself didn't get the right.. well experience with psychiatrists but then again the north part of swedens hospitals and psychiatrists was never good. I had to realise that the reason why they treated me like a kid was because they didn't really understand how to deal with me.

Igunas

13 januari 2017 10:19

Nelson and Elysia...One obvious thing I can tell is that you feel happy talking about them.

Nelson reminds me of Admiral Nelson, more like a Brittish conqueror with a warrior's heart, who lived in the 18th century. I love this guy's story!

It makes me smile. France has one of the strongest and most fierce armies around the world.
So what is your Nelson's story ? He must be a little bit of a warrior, too !

I ask questions that may sound random to you, I apologize ;) It's what I do in my daily job and it sticks to me like a regular habit now. Not that I mind about it, I like to keep people talking. And My name is Lois, I should have introduced myself way earlier.

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 15:24

Oh and btw Lois, what's your job?^^

Igunas

13 januari 2017 10:34

Always mess up with my browser so a few parts don't send with the whole text. No need to answer to this one, just take it as a part of the last one:

each other's half ? It sounds interesting, here we have an expression which basically means "that's how a wonderful story starts"

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 15:23

Ooh alright:o well. He is someone amazing indeed and an warrior at heart too. He always try to think equally for everything and everyone and always tries to help and stand up for people. Strangers or friends he tries to help everyone even if he doesnt have energy for it. I met him at gifyo and thought "well this is a cool dude, he will probably not even notice I'm alive but hell let's give it a shot"so he did and we talked and began to talk over Facebook instead and now here we are best friends and all some call ous soul mates. So yeah.. he's pretty special to me. And one of the first to always try to drag me up and never to leave my side just because it's scary to watch me break.

Igunas

13 januari 2017 07:45

Sorry I messed up with my last question, didn't send this part:

But it's really nice to have friends abroad, what about them ? Who are they ?

Ronja Forsman

13 januari 2017 09:35

Oh okay hehe well about this guy he is in love with me still but I don't feel the same sone at times its a little problematic. But mostly it's fine ^^ and the people abroad one of them is named Nelson and the other elysia, Nelson is French and really really close to me. We are basically just like each other so basically each others half u..u and we'll this elysia she are generally from Denmark but she studied a lot in French where she met Nelson and a few of his friends. And she are just like my little sister ^^